Day 17

Dear Ryan,

Do you remember this day? This was the night before we brought our precious little miracle home. This is the first time you got to feed her. I remember being so proud of you. I'm still so proud of you. You are an amazing father. Scarlet is so lucky to have you for her dad. I think this was probably the longest night of your life, but what wonderful memories we will always have from this experience. You're the best.

Love,

Ash

Day 16

Dear Me,

Well, I am late getting this letter out. It has been quite the weekend. Not really, but we can pretend that it has been. I didn't get to write to you because I was busy with the girls chit-chatting about girl stuff and picking out bras and Victoria's Secret. It was a lovely evening to say the least. I think Scarlet even enjoyed it as well. Now to catch up on some sleep.

Sleepy,

Me

Day 15

Dear Mexican Food,

I love your cheesy deliciousness. I could eat you everyday. Actually, I probably do eat you everyday. Mmmm.... burritoes.... enchiladas.... tacos.... mmmm..... I think I have an addiction.

Salivating,

Me

Day 14

Dear DPB,

DPB. What does that stand for? Dead baby parents. Am I insensitive? No, not at all. I call my support group, dead baby parents. Why? Because all of us are there for the same reason. I am beyond grateful that I have this group of people to surround myself with once a month and share our stories. It is so nice that I get that one night a month to remember my little Kingston and honor him. I love sharing his story and I love to hear the stories of those around me. It is so uplifting and humbling. Thank you for being there DPB. I'm sorry you're there, but thank you.

Sincerely,

Ashley

Day 13

Dear Me,

Oh me, oh my. Calm down girl. You are almost at a minor freak out level. Breathe. Deep breaths. When Scarlet doesn't nap, it freaks me/you out. Thankfully she is asleep now. Now if work would just get under control. (Insert scream here)

Good luck,

Yourself

p.s. I think it might be time for you to go get that pedicure you've been waiting for (and a Coke and/or Dr. Pepper).

Day 12

Dear Kelly,

You totally made my week tonight! I'm so, so glad you and Ruth stopped by to visit. I love that even though we haven't seen each other in what feels like ages, we can still get together and pick up right where we left off. That is true friendship right there. I'm especially glad that Ruth threw up, not spit up, but threw up, all 6 ounces of her bottle all over you as well. I needed that good laugh. Sorry you were covered in throw up and all I did was laugh at you. Thank you so much for coming to see us!

Loves,

Ashley

p.s. I still can't believe Ruth and Scarlet are only about 6 or 7 weeks apart.

Day 11

Dear IRS,

I hate taxes. Nothing in life is certain except for death and taxes. How depressing. Thanks for bringing on the dreariness in our lives today.

Frustrated,

Me

Day 10

Dear Oprah,

I am very disappointed with what you have done with one of my favorite television stations. You took Discovery Health and turned it into OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. Are you serious? You took away all of my favorite shows and replaced them with non-stop Oprah. Ugh. I do not like your station at all, nor do I like any of the five shows you show on your station. Seriously, you need to add a little more to your "network" than just five shows or you could always just give me back Discovery Health.

Disappointed,

Ashley

Day 9

Dear Kingston and Scarlet,

Today marks the year anniversary of the night before I had a positive pregnancy test. I remember that night well. I went to Borders with your dad, picked a book and got a hot chocolate and sat in the middle of the store and people gazed. It was such a fun night. I remember it being super snowy that night too. This year is a bit different. I'm not pregnant this time around and one of you is missing. It's been a very tough year this year. Even though we have had our rough patches, we are so blessed and proud of our two children. Kingston, you are perfect and amazing. You bring such a peace into our lives. Scarlet, you are beautiful and so much fun to be around. I love watching you grow.

I can't believe it has already been a year since the beginning of our journey. You two are just amazing. Kingston, I cannot wait to be eveloped in your arms when I see you again. Scarlet, I'm just excited to watch you grow and learn. You bring me such great joy. Thank you both for being my children. I am so lucky to be your mom.

In Awe,

Mommy

p.s. Kingston, I miss you like you can't even imagine. Whisper to me in my dreams, okay? I love you!

Day 8

Dear Dentist,

I can't say that I was super excited to see you today; however, I really liked your office and how nice and comfy it was. The TV right above my head was lovely as well as the warm washcloth at the end of my appointment. Thank you so much for fixing my chronically-breaking front tooth. I hate that tooth. One day when I am rich, I will get veneres. I'll see you again in six months and I hope at that time you won't have to make me feel like I got punched in the face again. I really hate mouth shots. Plus, the numbing gel always tastes like shiz. Thanks though. See you in July!

From,

Your favorite patient, Ashley

p.s. My new phone is super awesome now. I finally figured out how to use it and we're now good friends.

p.p.s. My "friends" at work, a.k.a "the foreign dictators" are making me crazy. (not foreign dictators as in leaders, but as in doctors who are foreign and dictate lovely dictation that I get to interpret into English. Did you know that I spoke not only doctor, but foreign doctor? Are you impressed?)

Day 7

Dear Phone,

They call you a "Smartphone" and I finally realized why. You actually have to be smart to know how you operate. Granted I have only had you now for about 3-1/2 hours, but still, you're impossible. It probably would help if I read your manual and tried to figure you out, but you're just too complicated. However, you are violet in color and quite mesmerizing. I hope to learn to love you.

Confused,

Ashley

p.s. I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. You're coming with me so I don't get so bored. Ick, I don't like dentists.

Day 6

Dear Scarlet,

Tonight was a new first for you. You got to try your very first rice cereal!! You absolutely hated it. I would put it in your mouth and then you would shiver like it was the most disgusting thing you have ever had in your entire life. Well, that's probably exactly what it was actually. You were so stinking cute! Hopefully you start to like food or we will be in big trouble. I'll try this again tomorrow and see how it goes. You are just too cute to not try it again.

Love you baby girl!

Heart,

Mom

Day 5

Dear Pero,

Tonight I am drinking your deliciousy goodness. You're the "clean" version of coffee, which for me is a win/win. I get a good drink and I'm not breaking any WOW rules. Sa-weet. Thanks for being in existence. If I can't have Lenito's Taco Shop anymore, at least I can have my delicious, piping hot glass of Pero (with sugar and cream, vanilla cream to be exact).

In Love,

Ashley

p.s. Why did Lenito's go away? They had the all-time BEST rolled tacos ever. I miss them like you can't even believe. I keep wishing for them to come back, but alas, they have not.

Day 4

(This is a letter from Heaven. It was read to me on August 17, 2010, five months ago today).

August 16, 2010

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are you? I am fine. No, really I am fine. Let me try to explain.

Since I have left you, I have been extremely busy helping to teach people about the Plan of Salvation and the Purpose of Life as well as many other truths of our Father. I know my mortal life was very short, yet very necessary. My gift from God was a tangible, physical body that I will have forever when I am resurrected, and it will be perfect and without blemish. If it wasn't for the efforts of both of you, that body would not be.

Mom, I felt so comfortable and secure as my body developed inside you. You made me feel warm and peaceful. I knew something was not correct with the way I developed, but both of you can rest assure with a confident knowledge that my development was part of God's plan. Neither of you are at fault for the physical challenge that I experienced. Sometimes, things of the mortal world are not perfect. Perfection is something that is earned through the trials that are put in front of us. My trial just happened to be different than yours.

I can tell you that my experience of birth was without question, wonderful. To beathe the air and fill my senses with a short life is an experience that will always be with me. Momma, you are so beautiful, and daddy, to be like you brings me joy. This is such a wonderful blessing to have you both as my earthly parents. I told you both that I loved you. I didn't have a lot of strength to enjoy the physical conversation that I desired to have, but I know you heard me.

To hear my little sister's cry was stirring. The months Scarlet and I spent inside of you, mom, was an incredible experience. We were never alone. We always had each other while with you.

Daddy, the blessing you gave me with grandpa was magnficent. When you held me in your hands and guarded me with your arms, I felt your strength and concern to protect me. Your words are eternal and those blessings are being realized right now. To see your tears as you and I developed a relationship was extremely comforting. You can certainly expect to pick up where we left off with that experience.

Momma, your caress and embracing me next to your heart as the angels of heaven escorted me back to the presence of God was so soothing to my spirit. Your calm and loving voice, warm breath and soft touch testified to me that you are my mother and earthly angel. I can hardly wait until I can embrace you in my arms.

Wow, what a sight it was to see everyone through my small eyes that cares for me. Even after I left my tabernacle of flesh, I was filled with joy to witness my family members and parent's friends visit and express their love.

I want all of you to know that this is a time to celebrate my short life. I have come to earth, I have gained a body and I have returned to my Father in Heaven. My earthly experience was short, but extremely important as is yours. I have been blessed with the Celestial Kingdom as my reward. Not yet the highest degree of that kingdom for the ordinance of eternal marriage I look forward to is expected during the Millennium.

My earthly experience has been an exceptional trip. Even now to witness this sacred graveside service brings joy to me. Please know that what you feel as a broken heart is not that at all. What you feel is me touching your hearts as you have touched mine. Also recognize, Mom and Dad, that I will always be aware of what is happening to you and if you feel me near you, it is because I am.

Well, TTFN.

Love,

Your son, Kingston

p.s. There are so many people that I know here and they all send their love to you. See you when you get here.

p.p.s. My crazy Aunt Linda is making funny faces at me to crack me up.

p.p.p.s. Scarlet, you have the feet of a dancer. I felt them many times. I am very pleased to be your big brother.

Day 3

Dear Molly,

Today was such a wonderful day and it was all thanks to you and your beautiful daughter! I have always thought Ahnika has your beauty. She is one lucky girl. She looked so beautiful today in her beautiful blessing dress.

Do you remember the first time we met? I do. We went on a double date to a rodeo. You probably thought I was such a brat. Sorry about that. I just remember thinking how beautiful you were (and still are). I hated competing against you in the Miss Payson pageant because you were way too beautiful and talented. Your dress was so gorgeous. You looked like a modern-day Cinderella.

I feel so blessed to have gotten to know you over the last several years. You were an amazing roommate and you have always been such a wonderful friend. You are such a great example to those who are around you. Thank you for being you.

Loves,

Ashley

Day 2

Dear Me,

Today you did something you haven't done for quite some time. Now, I'm going to defend you for a moment since you were pregnant with twins last year and couldn't really do much, so there was a good reason you haven't done this for a while. Today, you worked out! Yes, it's true. Work out clothes and all. Now, the crappy thing about working out? It makes you really hungry. So hungry in fact, that nothing fills you up. You end up coming home and all you want to eat are candy bars and Dr. Pepper, thus defeating the purpose of working out. So why in the world did you even work out?

Sleep well. You're exhausted.

From,

Me

p.s. What is wrong with people that eat toilet paper and sleep with blow dryers? It's weird.

Day 1

Dear Blog,

Today is my first day of letters. I hope that you and I can become best of friends throughout this journey. I thought of creating you when people starting saying how much they enjoyed my letters to Scarlet. Not only will you contain those letters, but letters to many different people, places and things. I'm excited for this year and all it has to offer. Good luck to me!

Love,

Me

p.s. Bella is asleep on my lap and I can feel her breathing through my sweater. Gross. I love her anyway. She's learned a new trick this week. She can now play dead on the command of "bang, bang!" It's pretty awesome.