Dear World,
I haven't written for a while. There are a few reasons for that. My little family and I went for an adventure to California. Ryan had an interview in Pasadena for a grad school. Let's just say that it went well. Really well. Probably well enough to be moving to California in 6-18 months. I can give a 70-80% chance of moving withing 6 months and a 100% chance of moving within 18 months. Only time will tell.
The other reason I haven't written for a while is this. I have felt deeply submerged in grief. I barely feel I can come up for air. I oftentimes am overcome with grief, but this time I am struggling to recover. I think about my son often. Scarlet has been doing so many new things and I can't help but wonder what it would be like if he were here doing the same things. It makes me sad. I almost want my baby girl to stay a baby forever so I don't have to have these thoughts. I will regain consciousness at some point. I hope it is soon. Until then, you will just have to deal with the shell that is me.
Bleh,
Ashley
2 comments:
I'm down in St. George for the week. I brought Samantha with me but Alex stayed home so she could stay close to her daily regimen. I love that Samantha is with me but I think about Alex all the time and miss her terribly. So if you take what I'm feeling, times it by one million seven hundred three thousand forty-two, that's probably how you feel. That blows my mind and I have to give you kudos for your strength. Love from St. George (and come Friday, Clinton)
Diana
we will love your shell just the same:)
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