Day 49

Dear Scarlet,

You are so totally completely awesome. You and I have been spending a large amount of time together. That's not unusual, it's just that your dad has been working REALLY hard this week. He has worked 8 straight 12+ hour shifts in the ICU (night shifts no less). Needless to say, your daddy has been working or sleeping for the last week and we haven't seen him much. Since he has been gone, I thought I would take the opportunity to teach you how to say "mama." I know that you are still really young. Afterall, you should only be five months old at this point in your life. I had seriously been working on this for the last two days pretty diligently. Tonight, while you were in the bath tub, I kept saying, "mama." I could see you processing the movement of my lips and the sounds coming out of my mouth. It was like you were studying every movement I made. Then all of a sudden out popped, "mamamama." I thought it was a fluke so I tried to get you to do it again. Yep, you did it again. I called your dad's phone and said, "Scarlet would like to tell you who she thinks is the coolest." Right on queue you said, "mamamama." See, you are quite spectacular. No, you are more than spectacular. You are by far the coolest, most amazing, fantastic, wonderful child I have ever laid eyes on. I just adore you.

Smitten,

Mama

p.s. I can't wait for you to be able to wear the moo moo Josh brought you from Hawaii. It is freaking adorable.

p.p.s. You are doing an amazing job at eating your squash. Next time you're going to sneeze though, could you please warn me so I don't get showered in orange goo? Thanks!

Day 28

Dear Yesterday,

February 9, 2010.... "There's one... and there's two!" A year ago from yesterday was the day we found out we were expecting twins. That was such a magical moment. I remember lying on the exam table, holding Ryan's hand, and crying. I could do nothing to stop the flow of tears as I was overcome with such joy. Then the doctor turned the sound on and at that moment, everything was real. Two beating hearts. I heard it. Woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh. I miss it. A lot.

I spent many hours listening to those heartbeats, especially in the last month of pregnancy. There was a night when I was admitted to the hospital when I let the sound of Kingston's beating heart lull me to sleep. I never wanted it to end, but the reality of the situation was just the opposite. It would end sooner than I wanted. Reality bites.

I would love to be able to rewind life and re-live this moment over and over again. Things were perfect then. Life was fabulous. It would only be three short months from that time until we found out we would not get to bring both babies home from the hospital.

Yesterday, you will always be a significant day in my life. A day of great joy and celebration. Thank you for existing.

Love,

Ashley

Day 22

Dear Scarlet,

I'm so proud of you! You were such a brave girl today. I took you to the mall and Taya helped us pick out the perfect little earings for you. They are stars with little diamonds in the center. They're really super cute. You kind of freaked out a little when I had to hold your head still so the girls could pierce your ears. They were very fast and before I knew it, it was all over. I picked out a sucker for you and gave you a taste. You loved it! You would smile every time the sucker would touch your tongue. You're so cute! I just love you to pieces. I hope you like your new earings.

Loves,

Mom

Day 9

Dear Kingston and Scarlet,

Today marks the year anniversary of the night before I had a positive pregnancy test. I remember that night well. I went to Borders with your dad, picked a book and got a hot chocolate and sat in the middle of the store and people gazed. It was such a fun night. I remember it being super snowy that night too. This year is a bit different. I'm not pregnant this time around and one of you is missing. It's been a very tough year this year. Even though we have had our rough patches, we are so blessed and proud of our two children. Kingston, you are perfect and amazing. You bring such a peace into our lives. Scarlet, you are beautiful and so much fun to be around. I love watching you grow.

I can't believe it has already been a year since the beginning of our journey. You two are just amazing. Kingston, I cannot wait to be eveloped in your arms when I see you again. Scarlet, I'm just excited to watch you grow and learn. You bring me such great joy. Thank you both for being my children. I am so lucky to be your mom.

In Awe,

Mommy

p.s. Kingston, I miss you like you can't even imagine. Whisper to me in my dreams, okay? I love you!

Day 6

Dear Scarlet,

Tonight was a new first for you. You got to try your very first rice cereal!! You absolutely hated it. I would put it in your mouth and then you would shiver like it was the most disgusting thing you have ever had in your entire life. Well, that's probably exactly what it was actually. You were so stinking cute! Hopefully you start to like food or we will be in big trouble. I'll try this again tomorrow and see how it goes. You are just too cute to not try it again.

Love you baby girl!

Heart,

Mom