Day 30

Dear Kingston,

Six months and one day ago I held you in my arms and watched you pass away. The heartache I felt as you slipped from your mortal body was indeed great. Throughout the remainder of the day, I watched as loved ones gathered around you. Although most of them had tears in their eyes, they were smiling to be in your presence. To hold something so tiny and precious is not something we will soon forget.

Today, we remembered you. We are sending love to you in heaven. Happy six month birthday little King! Keep watch over us, okay?

Love you always,

Mom

Day 28

Dear Yesterday,

February 9, 2010.... "There's one... and there's two!" A year ago from yesterday was the day we found out we were expecting twins. That was such a magical moment. I remember lying on the exam table, holding Ryan's hand, and crying. I could do nothing to stop the flow of tears as I was overcome with such joy. Then the doctor turned the sound on and at that moment, everything was real. Two beating hearts. I heard it. Woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh. I miss it. A lot.

I spent many hours listening to those heartbeats, especially in the last month of pregnancy. There was a night when I was admitted to the hospital when I let the sound of Kingston's beating heart lull me to sleep. I never wanted it to end, but the reality of the situation was just the opposite. It would end sooner than I wanted. Reality bites.

I would love to be able to rewind life and re-live this moment over and over again. Things were perfect then. Life was fabulous. It would only be three short months from that time until we found out we would not get to bring both babies home from the hospital.

Yesterday, you will always be a significant day in my life. A day of great joy and celebration. Thank you for existing.

Love,

Ashley

Day 26

Dear Kingston,

Today, I went and picked out some beautiful blue flowers for you for Valentine's Day. These are the flowers I wanted on your casket. We had daisies, just not as beautiful and cheerful as these. I love having them in our house. They are such a beautiful reminder of somebody so precious. I am so grateful you are my son. Kingston, I miss you terribly. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not thinking about you. I wish so badly that I could just hold you once more. You were so perfect in my eyes. Every time I walk into the kitchen and look at these flowers and smell them from across the room, I will think of you and wish you were here with me.

Love you forever and ever,

Mom

Day 9

Dear Kingston and Scarlet,

Today marks the year anniversary of the night before I had a positive pregnancy test. I remember that night well. I went to Borders with your dad, picked a book and got a hot chocolate and sat in the middle of the store and people gazed. It was such a fun night. I remember it being super snowy that night too. This year is a bit different. I'm not pregnant this time around and one of you is missing. It's been a very tough year this year. Even though we have had our rough patches, we are so blessed and proud of our two children. Kingston, you are perfect and amazing. You bring such a peace into our lives. Scarlet, you are beautiful and so much fun to be around. I love watching you grow.

I can't believe it has already been a year since the beginning of our journey. You two are just amazing. Kingston, I cannot wait to be eveloped in your arms when I see you again. Scarlet, I'm just excited to watch you grow and learn. You bring me such great joy. Thank you both for being my children. I am so lucky to be your mom.

In Awe,

Mommy

p.s. Kingston, I miss you like you can't even imagine. Whisper to me in my dreams, okay? I love you!